


Don't Have to Be Good to Be My Girl

by homosociallyyours



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Comeplay, Conversations, Cunnilingus, Daddy Kink, Deepthroating, Drinking, Drunk Harry, Emotional Sex, F/F, Genderswap, Girl Direction, Kink Exploration, Kink Negotiation, Oral Sex, Praise Kink, United States, incomplete aftercare, is the setting, mild sub drop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:40:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22450462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosociallyyours/pseuds/homosociallyyours
Summary: When Harry discovers her daddy kink quite by accident one night, she's surprised that it's something both she and Louis want to explore further. It takes a lot of talking and some doing, but when it works, it's oh so good.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 14
Kudos: 168
Collections: HL Kink Festival 2019





	Don't Have to Be Good to Be My Girl

**Author's Note:**

> (additional warning notes at the end of the fic; nothing that's untagged, but just a little more explanation of some of the possibly more worrying tags!)
> 
> First of all, a HUGE thanks to Molly for running this fest! It was her first time, and she was so thoughtful, generous, and kind throughout the process. I'm excited to read everything that gets published with this fest!
> 
> I would not have been able to write this fic without the help I got from my beta, statementlou. She catches my mistakes at every step and is gentle but firm on edits, and for this fic I would not have been nearly as happy with it without her. (I thought I was done a while ago...let me tell you, she saved us all from a flat ending! I'm grateful now even if in the moment I was wailing). 
> 
> Also want to thank sashinalash for giving my final scene a read through in a moment where I needed reassurance and my bff Amie for giving me encouragement on the sex scene elements when I was stressing. 
> 
> I'm so proud of how this fic turned out and hope that y'all enjoy it too!

Harry had been standing in the line to pee for nearly twenty minutes, and she was barely holding herself together by the time she made it to the front. The bathroom door opened, and the person leaving gave her a little nod that she reciprocated before making her way inside. She was about to close and lock the door behind her when someone pushed just hard enough to get themselves inside. It was enough of a shock that she nearly pissed herself, her own “what the fuck?” mirrored by the people still waiting outside the door.

The person who’d followed her into the bathroom had immediately turned to face the door, locking it tight and pressing their weight against it as if they thought someone was going to follow them inside as well. When they turned around, Harry felt her heart speed up just a little. Because apparently the person who’d snuck into the bathroom with her was Harry’s fantasy daydream girlfriend come to life. 

She was just a little shorter than Harry, with warm brown hair and blue eyes and some sporty looking jacket that was probably much nicer than it looked and joggers that looked soft and cuddly and just big enough on her that Harry could see herself borrowing them. Her hips were wide, and though Harry had been too stunned to pay attention, she guessed the girl had an ass to match. And thighs. Maybe a little tummy. 

It was then that Harry realized the girl was talking, probably explaining herself. 

“And I am so sorry, I just saw my ex and she’s just gotten into Landmark Forum-- do you know about Landmark Forum, it’s fucking awful --and I know she’s going to ask me to come with her to a meeting because that’s what she’s done the last two times I’ve seen her.” She finally paused for a breath, actually looking at Harry instead of up at the ceiling or back at the door, and Harry noted the slight shift in her expression. It was like someone had turned the light on in the room and she was getting accustomed to the change. When she started to talk again, it was a little less frenetic. 

“Anyway, I swear I’m not some kind of creep who follows everyone into bathrooms. Um. I’m Louis. Tomlinson. I’m friends with Zayn, he’ll vouch for me later.” She blushed a little, shoving her hands into the pockets of her joggers. Waiting for Harry to respond, maybe. 

“I. Um. I really have to pee, I’m sorry,” Harry said, at a complete loss for words now that the girl-- Louis --had actually spoken. Throwing modesty out the window, Harry wiggled out of her panties and sat down on the toilet, groaning with relief when she actually started pissing. After taking a moment, she found a way to respond.

“I understand though. One time this girl at a video store asked for my number, and she was like, really hot. She called me to meet up and it was totally to get me to go to Landmark with her. Only I didn’t know about it, so. I joined.” 

Louis looked at her as though she was going to piss herself right there too, and Harry slapped a hand over her mouth to cover her laugh, not able to contain it for the sake of keeping the joke up. “Oh God, your face. ‘M sorry but that was too easy,” she said between giggles.

Louis turned on the faucet and splashed her with water, biting back a smile in a failed effort to look mad. “You’re a right shit, bathroom girl.” 

“Harry. Styles,” Harry said, wiping as discreetly as she could and pulling her panties back up before bumping her hip into Louis’ to get her out of the way of the sink. “And you kind of deserved it, didn’t you?” 

“I’m the one who had to watch you pee. Didn’t even give me a chance to turn around, did you, weirdo?” Louis smiled, eyes twinkling with mirth, and Harry flicked water at her. 

“Heyyyy.” They might’ve stood there flirting with each other for a bit longer, but the next person in line banged on the door, shouting that they ‘better not be fucking in there,’ and Harry nodded toward the door, hoping Louis would follow her out. She did. 

They spent the evening together and then the night, mostly kissing and grinding on the spare bed in Zayn’s guest room where Louis was staying for the weekend. Night bled into the following morning, which continued into the next night, and by Sunday they were already at the stage of calling each other ‘baby’ and ‘love’ and ‘honey’ and any other pet name that would get Zayn to plug his ears and tell them to shut up. 

They were girlfriends after two weeks and by two months they slept in the same place most nights, only taking a night off when one of them had something to do early in the morning, which was rare since Louis tended bar and Harry worked back of house at a restaurant that only offered a dinner service. 

Three months later, they were girlfriends enough to celebrate their time together as an ‘anniversary’ even though Harry had pretty much always been adamant that an anniversary could only happen at a year. 

Louis woke her up that morning by setting a roll of baby pink toilet paper with hearts all over it on top of Harry’s forehead and whispering “Happy three month-iversary!” into her ear. How could Harry resist that? She pulled Louis right back into the bed, wrapping her legs around Louis’ thighs and keeping her close for a heavy makeout session that absolutely would’ve turned into more if not for Louis’ standing weekly breakfast date with her sister. 

“I’ll treat us to dinner tonight. Special three month-iversary Thai food from the place you like,” Harry said as she watched Louis pull a shirt over her head. “We can watch a movie too. Something romantic.” Louis smiled as she fixed her hair in the mirror, making eye contact with Harry through its reflection.

“Right, right, watch a movie. I know what that’s code for.” She raised her eyebrows, mouth drawing into a little v, and Harry wrinkled her nose, grabbing the roll of toilet paper and lobbing it at Louis’ head.

“See if you get laid tonight,” Harry huffed. “It’s Thai food and a movie for you.  _ Maybe _ a cuddle, if you’re incredibly good.” 

“Oh, I’ll be good.” Louis leaned in to give Harry a kiss, deepening it just enough to make Harry tip forward, chasing after her when she finally pulled away. “I’m always good.”

“I love you and you’re terrible.” Harry stopped herself from pouting, knowing Louis would only tease her for it. 

“I love you too. And you’re gorgeous and fantastic and sexy, and if I weren’t already late I would absolutely not be leaving right now.” 

Harry flung herself back onto the bed, pulling her pillow onto her head to cover her eyes. “Go NOW before I fucking drag you back into this bed!” She could hear Louis’ pleased laugh-- a defined little hahaha --as she left the room and grabbed her keys on the way out of the apartment. 

“Think about me while I’m gone,” Louis yelled on her way out the door. Harry waited until she heard the lock click to grab her phone and compose a filthy text to send to make Louis regret leaving. It was the least she could do. 

True to her word, Harry picked up food from their favorite Thai restaurant that night. She also got Sleepless in Seattle ready to play and changed the sheets to the extra soft bamboo ones she’d gotten for Christmas, already thinking about how nice it would feel to lie in them naked with Louis’ arms wrapped around her as they fell asleep that night. 

She and Louis passed the container of tom kha back and forth to one another on the couch as Meg Ryan sat in her car, listening to a faraway stranger talk about being in love. It made Harry want to be closer to Louis, and so she rested her head on Louis’ shoulder, opening her mouth to ask for a bite of spring roll. Louis pretended to ignore her, but Harry could see her smile from the corner of her eye, so she opened her mouth a bit wider and whined quietly. 

Keeping her eyes on the movie, Louis dipped a spring roll into its sticky sweet sauce and brought it up to Harry’s mouth. Her thumb grazed Harry’s lower lip, and Harry bit down gently, careful not to clamp down on Louis’ fingers but closing her lips around them just enough to keep them in-- or near, or around --her mouth. She hummed appreciatively, the sound just shy of a moan, and finished off by licking a bit of remaining sauce from Louis’ fingertip. 

“So I have to feed you now, huh?” Louis asked. She still seemed to be looking at the movie screen, but Harry could feel that every ounce of attention was directed at her and not anywhere else. It was something she loved about Louis and though she’d never realized it until they’d started dating, it was something she’d always craved. 

“Uh huh,” Harry said quietly. She closed her eyes and scooted a bit closer to Louis, opening her mouth for more. She got another bite of spring roll and some chicken satay before Louis slid two fingers into her mouth instead. She moved slowly and deliberately, not pushing in too deep and keeping her thumb against Harry’s chin, tipping her head back slightly. When she added a third finger, Harry whined around her hand. She could hear Louis’ quiet “fuck” in response and it only made her want more. 

They abandoned the food and the movie and the couch a moment later, clothes coming off as they moved to the bed. 

Harry slipped a finger down between Louis’ legs, parting her folds. No matter how many times she’d experienced it, the rush of knowing how wet Louis got just from the anticipation of fucking her was something that drove Harry mad. Louis rocked against her, Harry’s fingers sliding to her clit as they crashed together into a kiss. 

When they’d first started really learning each other’s bodies, it took Harry by surprise that Louis could come so quickly-- and multiple times, even --with what felt like so little effort. Harry was the opposite, and in the past it had led to most of her partners gradually paying less and less attention to her until it felt like they didn’t even try anymore. 

Harry didn’t think of herself as a top or a bottom, really. She liked fucking people and she liked getting fucked, and when it came to kinky shit, she hadn’t done enough to to feel particularly tied (heh) to dominance or submission. But with most of the people she’d dated, she’d somehow always managed to drift into being the de facto top in the relationship. Her girlfriends would talk about how her hands were made for sex, or tell her that nobody else had a mouth like hers, and one by one they’d all slowly stopped actually  _ trying _ to get Harry off. When they did, it was always followed by complaints about how sore their arm had gotten or how their jaw felt funny now or the harness had chafed them. 

It turned out that when someone’s main response to fucking you was that it didn’t feel good for them, you didn’t really want them to fuck you so much anymore. That’s how it was for Harry anyway. She’d still get off with her partners, sure. But it was too rare and not particularly what she wanted or needed most of the time. 

To say Louis was different would be putting it lightly. She reveled in fucking Harry, changing positions and techniques and watching Harry closely enough when they were fucking that it was common for her to lean in and growl into Harry’s ear, demanding she say what she wanted right in that moment. It didn’t make Harry come any faster, but it did make her feel loved. And it didn’t hurt that she found it incredibly hot. 

Harry slid two fingers into Louis and curled them toward her gently, thumbing over Louis’ clit while they kissed, bodies warm against each other. Louis broke their kiss after a moment to let a string of curses escape her lips followed by a moan as she rocked on Harry’s fingers. 

“One more, baby. Fuck. Those hands of yours.” Louis fisted her hand in the back of Harry’s hair, tugging it tight as she touched her forehead against Harry’s. Harry complied, her desire to feel Louis come for her making her unable to think or breathe or do anything but focus on how good she felt doing it. “Fucking-- just -- fuck me, so good baby. So good.” Louis opened her mouth, breath catching in the back of her throat, and Harry moved her hand a little faster, keeping up the pressure on Louis’ clit until she felt Louis contracting around her, wetness dripping into Harry’s palm. 

Her hand made a squelching noise as she pulled it out, keeping her palm cupped to hold what she had of Louis’ come like it was water in the desert. There was something addictive about the way Louis tasted, and Harry never liked wasting it if she could help it. Plus there was something about taking Louis’ come like this that made Harry feel like she was feeding some part of herself that she couldn’t quite name. 

Louis caught Harry’s wrist, lifting Harry’s hand up to her own mouth to lick at the taste of herself before letting Harry pull her come covered hand toward herself. Harry stuck out her tongue, opened her mouth wider, and met Louis’ eyes while twitching her hand forward. Louis took the signal for what it was, guiding Harry’s hand deeper down Harry’s throat until she was nearly gagging on her own hand. It was everything she needed.

Louis leaned into her, voice raspy and soft as she whispered, “so good for me, baby. Taking it so well.” 

All Harry could do was nod, tasting the mix of her own skin and Louis’ come. She felt desperate for whatever Louis could give her, hungry and aching for praise. Louis nodded like she could tell what Harry was thinking and pulled Harry’s hand from her mouth, humming quietly at the noise Harry made once she was empty.

With her hands around Harry’s wrists, Louis used her weight to push Harry back into the bed, slipping her thigh between Harry’s legs and grinding against her hard. It made Harry lose touch with anything but the heat of Louis’ body against hers, and she pushed up into it, moaning when Louis tightened her grip and leaned down to bite at Harry’s neck. “What do you want, baby? Tell me what you want.” 

“Want your mouth and then--” Louis chose that moment to rub her thigh right against Harry’s clit as she sucked a mark onto Harry’s neck, and it was all Harry could do not to thrash at the sensation. “--your fingers, please, god baby.” She felt the tickle of Louis’ smile against her neck, and all she could think of was how she wanted Louis to take all of her. Bite, swallow, keep. Forever. “Need you.” 

“Need me?” Louis asked, keeping her thigh pressed against Harry’s cunt as she placed kisses down Harry’s body. It felt achingly slow, Louis simply taking her time, and Harry writhed under the sensation. Louis nibbled at Harry’s collar bones and then took one of Harry’s nipples between her teeth, moaning as she let herself suck Harry’s tit deeper into her mouth. “So needy,” she said after pulling off with a quiet pop. “Like it when you need me.” She replaced her mouth with her fingers, pinching Harry’s nipple and giving it a sharp tug as she kissed down Harry’s stomach. 

With the spark of pain Harry bucked up and then melted back into the sheets, babbling on about how much she needed Louis. She never realized how much she enjoyed roughness (and even pain) until she’d been with Louis. Her other partners had always been too gentle, even when she’d asked for more, and it wasn’t until Louis had actually given it to her that she’d realized just how much she liked it. Craved it, really. It pulled her out of her head and made any pleasure she felt that much more expansive, letting her get swallowed up by sensation instead of worrying that she was taking too long or not relaxed enough. 

She twisted her hands into the pillow under her head and let her mouth fall open as Louis took a long pull on her clit, all warm suction and pressure. Louis gripped the outsides of her thighs, squeezing hard, and Harry was struck by the realization that she felt held with Louis in a way she never had before. That must have been why instead of moaning or saying Louis’ name or any other thing she’d ever said while having sex, she instead found herself saying what she did. 

“Oh yes Daddy, fuck.” 

Louis pulled off of Harry’s clit and pushed two lubed fingers inside of her, biting her inner thigh hard before raising her head to look at Harry with wide eyes. “Can’t just say shit like that baby,” she whined. She caught her lower lip between her teeth and made a strangled sort of noise and then dove back in to flatten her tongue against Harry’s clit and add another finger inside of her. Harry lost herself to the sensation, safely adrift on a perfect blue sea, held tight by Louis’ strong arms.

The sheets were as soft against their sweat and sex damp skin as Harry had imagined they would be while she and Louis laid next to each other, the two of them slowly coming down from fucking. Louis scooted up a bit, putting one arm behind Harry to make it easier for Harry to burrow against her side. Once there, Harry turned her head, trying to surreptitiously inhale the smell of Louis’ armpit, all sweat and sex and salt, as she nuzzled against her. 

It smelled like safety, and it made Harry feel so deeply at ease that she probably would’ve drifted off to sleep if she hadn’t heard Louis whisper, “so...Daddy, huh?” with the hint of a smile in her voice. Harry buried herself deeper into Louis’ armpit. 

“Was it ok? I’ve never done it before and it wasn’t on purpose or anything, it just. Kind of, um, came out?” 

“It was hot,” Louis said with a gentle squeeze of Harry’s arm. “Nobody’s ever called me that before.” 

“Not weird then?” Harry kissed Louis’ side and risked lifting her head to look Louis in the eyes. “I mean I know you aren’t--” Harry paused, reconsidering her words. “I don’t think of you as a man, it’s more like, ah, god I don’t know how to put it, sorry.” 

Louis chuckled lightly and shifted to pull Harry just a little closer. “No, I know. Having tits doesn’t mean you can’t call me Daddy.” That made Harry giggle too, and she rested a hand on one of Louis’ tits, kneading the soft flesh there with a light, teasing touch. Louis leaned her head back and arched up into it for a moment before continuing. “We should talk about it though, if you want.” 

“What about it?” Harry asked. Something about the idea of actually talking about having a daddy _thing_ made Harry squirm, like it might say something more about her than she wanted it to. She skimmed her hand down Louis’ body and laid her palm on Louis’ mons, fingers resting in the soft thatch of hair there. 

“Mmm, I don’t know,” Louis said, reaching down to entwine her fingers with Harry’s and slowly guide her hand higher up on Louis’ belly. Distraction wouldn’t work, apparently. “Just if it’s something you’ve thought about but didn’t feel comfortable with, or if, maybe, you wanted to do more with it.” 

“Do you want more?” Harry tipped her head back down, gazing at Louis’ hand with hers. 

“Liked it,” Louis said, bringing Harry’s hand to her lips and kissing it softly. “You know I love fucking you and just sort of taking care of you sometimes. Feel like you haven’t been told enough how wonderful you are.” 

Harry buried her nose in Louis’ side, nipping at her without any intent behind it. “ _ You’re _ wonderful.” 

Louis clicked her tongue. “Yeah, ‘course I am.” She paused for a second, trailing her hand up and down Harry’s back in the stillness of the room. “But you know what I mean, right? I like making you feel special. Was it like that?” 

“It was. A little anyway.” Harry breathed in deep, immersing herself in the soft sensory experience of Louis’ arms. “You make me feel like it’s safe, too. Like I can let go and you’ll have me.” 

The catch of Louis’ breath made Harry tip her head back to look at her, and she was surprised to see Louis looking back at her with her lower lip caught in her teeth, mouth curling into a smile. “I like that,” she said finally. “A lot.” 

It was a nice moment to relax into, and Harry hummed, melting into Louis’ side. Her eyes drifted closed as she let her own breathing sync up with Louis’, and before she knew it Louis was kissing her awake to make sure she peed and did her usual nighttime rituals before actually falling asleep. 

When they were finally back in bed, Louis kissed the back of Harry’s neck and whispered, “good night, my girl,” her voice soft and raspy and settling like warm honey in Harry’s heart. Even so, Harry couldn’t quite bring herself to answer back in kind-- not without the heat of passion easing her way --and so she settled for sighing softly and snuggling back into Louis, holding her and being held until they were both asleep. 

They didn’t talk about it the next morning. Or the next night coming back from work. Part of Harry hoped they might not talk about it at all. The more distance she had from the moment, the more thought about how weird it might be and how little she could actually put into words what had made her call Louis daddy to begin with. 

She wasn’t getting away with ignoring it, though. Louis brought it up over brunch at one of their favorite diners a couple days later.

“So,” Louis said after they’d placed their orders and taken their first sips of coffee. The waitress had only just left the table. “I wanted to talk more about the daddy thing.” Harry choked on her coffee, some of it dribbling out of her nose as she coughed the rest of it onto the table, her shirt, and a napkin. She was grateful it was only happening in front of a Tuesday crowd; a Saturday would’ve been mortifying.

“Alright, baby?” Louis looked at her across the table with her face a mix of concern and the very slight desire to laugh. Harry grabbed another napkin and blew her nose, nodding her head. 

“Yeah, sorry. And it’s ok to laugh, I know that was ridiculous.”

“It really was.” Louis shook her head with a quiet chuckle. “Kind of my fault though. I shouldn’t have said that just as you took a sip.” 

Harry rolled her eyes. “Can’t believe you wanna talk about that  _ here _ of all places. A public restaurant where we eat practically once a week.” She noticed the waitress looking over at their table from the other side of the room and resisted the urge to give her a pointed stare. “I mean it’s not busy or anything, but what if someone hears us?” 

Louis turned to look around the restaurant, Harry following her gaze. When she turned back, it was with a furrowed brow and slight smirk. “We’re in our favorite booth in the back corner, and there aren’t more than seven other people eating here now. And nobody’s within earshot.” She hooked both her feet around one of Harry’s and gave a little tug, putting her elbows on the table to lean in. “So is it that? Or something else?” 

Harry whined quietly, slumping down into the booth until her chin was pressed against her chest. “I just don’t know what to say,” she mumbled. “It’s complicated, I guess.” 

“Makes sense. I thought about it a lot yesterday, and I feel like my head’s a little jumbled with it.” 

That made Harry sit up. “You thought about it?” Louis took a slow sip of her coffee and nodded. “And?” 

“I want to see where it goes. I told you I liked it in the moment, but the more I thought about it the more it made me want it.”

“Want it how?” 

Louis smiled down at the table, picking at her thumbnail before resting her chin in her hand and leaning in to respond to Harry in a quiet rasp, “want to hear how much you need me. See how much you trust me.” She reached across the table to take Harry’s hand in hers. “Know how well I take care of you with just one word.” 

Her words shot straight through Harry, and she squeezed her legs together in response to the throb between them. “Mm-huh,” was the only response she could manage, a jumble of sounds that she hoped Louis took as: okay, yes, please, and that sounds very good all rolled into one. 

“Pancakes, turkey bacon, club sandwich, and a side of potatoes,” their waitress said, setting their plates down to either side of their joined hands. She was used to them being touchy by now. “Top you up?” 

“She’s good for now,” Louis said. “I’ll take more, though. And another cream.” 

Harry bit back a giggle as the waitress walked away. “Was that you in daddy mode? Ordering for me?” 

“No!” Louis’ mouth stayed open with shock. She looked mildly scandalized for a moment before settling into a pleased little smile. “But you hate when she adds coffee if you have anything more than a few sips in there, and you’re still three-quarters full. And she’s going to forget and refill it anyway mid-way through eating, which is why I asked her to bring another cream.” 

Harry shook her head lightly, a giddy laugh bubbling up from her chest. It wasn’t the same feeling she’d had a couple nights before, but it was that feeling adjacent, maybe; she was safe and cared for and  _ seen _ , held in the grasp of Louis’ hand and the bright blue of her eyes. 

Leaning farther over the table, Harry whispered, “Daddy that’s gay,” with a grin that, if she had to guess, probably looked too wide and almost foolish. Not to Louis, though, and that was who mattered. No, Louis looked back at her with the softest expression, fond and sweet and pleased, tugging Harry’s hand toward her just enough so that she could kiss Harry’s fingers before letting them go and nodding toward the food just as the waitress came back with coffee and cream. 

“We’re not done talking about this, though,” Louis said before taking a bite of her sandwich. 

“I know.” Harry grabbed a potato from Louis’ plate with her fingers and set it atop one of her turkey bacon slices. They’d have to talk about this whole thing more, and it would be harder to get around once they weren’t trying to have the conversation out in public. But then if Louis had made it feel safe to talk about it here, it could only get easier anywhere else. Obviously. 

Or not, Harry thought to herself as she prepared to have an early dinner with Louis a few nights later. Louis had teasingly called it ‘daddy dinner’ much to Harry’s chagrin-- it made it much harder for her to pretend it wasn’t going to happen, which was all Harry wanted to do since Louis had suggested it. 

When she set it up, she made a point of mentioning to Harry that since they’d both have to head to work around the same time, it might make the whole thing a little easier for her. With a designated time frame to talk, there wouldn’t be the possibility of talking around things so much. Plus they’d get to have dinner together when they normally wouldn’t. 

Harry made quinoa pasta because it was easy and because she wanted to annoy Louis just a little. Maybe. Tossing the colorful spirals with jarred sauce and spinach, she went over some of the things she’d thought about since their last talk at the diner. She’d googled a little-- daddy gay, daddy lesbian, daddy bdsm, and finally daddy kink --and was kind of surprised to find that while it was new to her, apparently her experience was common enough that the few things she’d clicked on talked about people doing and thinking and feeling the same things she was. 

There was just the issue of how deep it went and how far to take it. And that was the problem. Louis seemed on board with everything so far, but the more Harry read the more she wondered if what she wanted would end up aligning with how Louis wanted things to go. Did Louis want her to act like a little girl? Would Harry want that for herself? If Harry wanted Louis to hit her, would Louis actually want to do it? 

Louis’ key in the door pulled Harry from her thoughts. She grabbed a couple of bowls from the cabinet and filled them with pasta, listening to Louis kick her shoes off by the door and hang her jacket up. That was the mood she needed to channel for this conversation: easy, typical, domestic.  _ Them _ , really. Because ever since their first meeting in the bathroom things had simply progressed, one natural step after the other. This didn’t have to be any different. 

“Hi, baby,” Louis said, wrapping her arms around Harry’s waist from behind and kissing her shoulder through her t-shirt. “You made that hippie pasta, didn’t you?” She dug her fingers into Harry’s sides, tickling her viciously. “Didn’t you?” 

Harry squealed and turned in Louis’ arms, batting her hands away. “It’s got protein! Leave me alooone,” she wailed. It might’ve sounded more convincing if she wasn’t laughing the whole time. 

“Ah, protein.” Louis caught Harry’s hands and held them in hers, looking up into her eyes. “An important part of a balanced meal, even for the crunchy set.” She leaned forward and kissed Harry once on the lips, firm but soft, and then followed that up with a gentle peck. 

“You liked it last time,” Harry sighed, half rolling her eyes. 

“I bought some on my own last week.” Louis grabbed the bowls and took them to the couch, sitting in her usual spot while Harry followed behind with napkins and forks. “Was just messing with you,” she said as Harry sat down. “Figured you were doing the same, hm?” Her self-satisfied smirk and raised eyebrows made Harry stick out her tongue, feigning annoyance. 

Harry plopped down onto the couch with a huff. “Maybe so,” she said in her best imitation of a meme. Louis cackled at her. 

“It’s good,” Louis said around a mouthful of pasta a few moments later. Harry shrugged. 

“S’just jarred sauce and noodles, I didn’t do much, really.” 

“But you made it. And it’s good. Thanks, baby.” Louis reached out, brushing her knuckles over Harry’s knee. “So, you wanna talk about it now? Or after we eat?” 

Harry paused with her fork just above her bowl. “Now is ok.” It wasn’t, really, but she was doing her best to tell herself otherwise. It had worked when she’d first started doing hot yoga, so hopefully it would work the same here. 

“So you’ve thought about it more, then? Since the other day?” Louis leaned back into the couch, turning her body so it was truly facing Harry. The gesture made Harry’s nose crinkle up with fondness. Louis was good. The best, really. Always thoughtful, always there. Harry took a deep breath. 

“I googled a little, actually, and the whole thing is less weird than I was worried it was? So that was good, even if it kind of...opened up some different possibilities with it, maybe? How about you?” 

“Yeah, I googled too. There’s a lot out there.” Louis scooted a little closer so that she could put one of her hands in Harry’s hair, scratching softly at the base of her skull. Harry let her head relax in Louis’ palm. After a moment of that, Louis continued. “I want you to know that none of what I read seems completely impossible. I just wanna talk about it. See if there are things both of us find intriguing that we can start with.” 

Harry let her eyes fall closed as she took a deep breath, focusing on the feel of Louis’ short fingernails against her scalp. “I just feel safe with you. And I think part of me wants to be yours in some way that’s not just being your girlfriend. Does that make sense?” Harry opened her eyes to look at Louis, who was smiling at her softly. 

“Yeah, it does. And I’ve liked hearing you call me Daddy in the same way. Feels like you’re claiming me, a little.” Louis stilled her hand for a moment. “You need to eat. No way you’re gonna make it through your shift if you don’t.” 

“Okay, but don’t stop touching me,” Harry said, lifting her bowl so it was just below her chin so she could shovel in a few bites with less effort. Louis laughed quietly, keeping her hand on Harry’s neck but changing from scratching to a slow, steady movement of her thumb. It made Harry hum with pleasure around her fork, which only caused Louis to laugh at her more. 

“You know you can be a brat sometimes.” Louis laid her head against her arm, keeping her eyes on the spot where her hand was in Harry’s hair. “And I love it. But I wonder if you--” Louis let out a little chuckle and closed her eyes for a moment before opening them to look back at Harry. “Would you ever want me to, uh,  _ do _ anything about that?” 

Harry swallowed and set her bowl down, her throat suddenly going dry. She managed to nod, followed by a quiet “mmhmm,” that Louis acknowledged with a twitch of her lips. “But also,” Harry’s voice came out in a croak, and she coughed to clear her throat. Louis grabbed the reusable water bottle she had at her side and held it out to Harry, who took a sip. 

“Thanks,” Harry said before continuing. “Also I already like it when you’re rough with me. So I don’t know if I only want, like, punishment.” 

“You do like it when I pull your hair.” Louis gave Harry’s hair the slightest tug and Harry let out a soft sigh at the sensation. “And when I bite you or spank you.” Harry could feel her cheeks pink up with a blush. “So more is good. And maybe different things too.” 

“I feel like we’ve been going that way already. I don’t know about you…” Harry paused, looking at Louis expectantly. 

“Yeah,” Louis said with a nod. “Everything with you has been, like,” she shook her head a little, eyes widening, “next level. Surprising. Wonderful.” 

“So we’re, um, we’re doing this, then?” Harry’s heart fluttered as she said it, shocked at how easy it really had been. 

“Yeah, absolutely. I mean there’s still a lot we haven’t talked about, but some of it we might not even realize until it’s right there, happening.” 

Harry frowned, thinking back to the things she’d been looking at earlier. “I don’t wanna be a baby.” The sentence came out in a rush, and Louis looked startled by her change in tone. “Like, I don’t think I’m helpless or a child or, y’know, those things.” Having gotten that out, Harry sighed, relieved. “Not that there’s anything bad about it, like I’m sure people who--”

“Harry,” Louis said, cutting her off decisively. “It’s okay. That’s not the direction I was thinking of either, and you’re not going to offend me by saying you don’t want to do something. Ever. Even if it was something I was into.” 

“I know. I do. You’re not like that, and it’s just another thing to love about you.” Harry put her hand on Louis’ knee and squeezed it gently. “I’m just not sure how everything is meant to go with all of this.” There was more to it than that, she knew, but she also knew there was no way she could communicate what any of it was right now. How could she explain the messy knot of fear in her chest when she could barely identify the strands that were tangling up inside of her? She’d have to work on it and hope for the best. 

“Not knowing is fine, baby. We’ll figure it out together, yeah? Might make some mistakes. But we’ll still try to have fun while we do it.” She laid a hand over Harry’s and leaned in to kiss her, and just like that everything felt a little lighter again. 

Of course the kissing turned into making out, Harry rucking Louis’ shirt up to touch her skin and Louis sucking a love bite onto Harry’s neck as they let the rest of their food go cold. Their phone alarms went off at the same time, and they groaned almost in unison, neither ready to end their evening together and go to work. But it happened anyway, each of them shoveling down the remains of their cold pasta and making sure they were properly dressed before walking out the door together. 

As they headed in separate directions, Harry wondered when they’d start exploring this whole daddy thing and who would be the one to initiate it. She didn’t have to wait long for the answer. 

The following night, Harry had a rare Saturday off-- a friend who needed extra cash to pay for an unexpected vet bill had begged for it --and she decided to make the most of it by visiting the bar Louis worked at. Saturday night was a huge party night for the bar, so she didn’t really expect to get a lot of time with Louis, but she would be able to get in for free and enough of their friends were regulars that she expected to know at least a few other people there. 

She arrived at 10, which was still too early for anyone but the older crowd to be there for the beginning of the party, and took a seat at the bar, waiting for Louis to notice her. When she did, she was in the middle of making a drink and couldn’t do more than raise her eyebrows and quirk her lips, a silent “what are you doing here?” that Harry answered with a smile and a shrug. 

Louis came over bearing a tequila sunrise and a kiss a minute or two later. “My girl drinks free tonight,” she said when Harry tried to pay for the drink. “At least for this one.” Harry tried to protest, but Louis cut her off with a question. “How’d you get off tonight, anyway? You’re usually not out until nearly as late as me on Saturdays.” 

Harry explained, and Louis kissed her one more time, sliding two free drink tickets into her hand when they broke apart. “Gotta take care of you somehow,” she said, winking at Harry and then rushing off to the other end of the bar to help someone who’d just arrived. 

The party really got going around 11:30, the space filling up and the music turning louder to cover the noise of the crowd. Harry had been one of the first ones on the dance floor and was completely in her groove when she felt a touch at her waist. She turned, ready to fight, and was met with Louis’ face smiling back at her. She leaned in, draping her arms around Louis’ shoulders and letting their noses bump against one another as they moved.

“Having fun, baby?” Louis shouted, trying to make sure Harry could hear her voice over the crowd. Harry nodded, smile wide. 

“More fun with you here,” Harry yelled back. Louis shook her head, turning so that her ear was toward Harry. “I said, it’s always more fun with you,” Harry shouted again. Louis pursed her lips and shook her head again, then shrugged Harry’s arms off her shoulders to take her by the hand and lead her off the dance floor. 

When they reached the door at the back of the bar, Louis pushed it open for Harry, letting her go out into the alleyway and then following behind her. The door slammed shut and suddenly the music that had been surrounding them was nothing but a dull thump of bass. Harry started to speak, but Louis pressed against her, quieting her with a kiss that was all teeth and tongue and heat. 

Louis’ frame was smaller than Harry’s, and if they were to have an arm wrestling match there was an equal chance either of them could win. But none of that mattered when Louis decided to take control. She pushed and Harry backed up easily, the rough brick scratching against her shoulders as she arched into Louis’ touch. 

“So gorgeous out there, baby. I was watching you dance and getting distracted, so Karen sent me on break. Had to come get you.” Louis’ voice was almost a growl, her breath hot against Harry’s neck. She bit a kiss just below Harry’s ear, pulling at the skin with her teeth until Harry hissed and sighed and melted down the wall a little, canting her hips up against Louis’. 

“What does my girl want, hm?” Louis’ palm skimmed over Harry’s waist, coming to rest just shy of her nipple. She felt like her heart was probably beating out of her chest and wondered if Louis could feel it. If she knew what Harry wanted and was just teasing, or if she really expected an answer. “You want more, don’t you?” 

“Yeah, yes, please,” Harry said, pushing her chest forward into Louis’ hand. Louis smiled and thumbed over Harry’s nipple, leaning back in to leave another love bite on her neck. 

They hadn’t done anything quite like this before-- possibly because it was so rare for either of them to actually be able to visit while the other was working --and Harry could feel herself getting lost in the way that Louis was touching her. It felt different somehow, and as Louis moved a hand up to protect the back of Harry’s head from the brick wall, the difference became obvious. A part of Harry had recognized it from the start. 

“Want you, Daddy,” Harry said, reaching a hand down to fumble at the fly of Louis’ jeans. “Wanna be good for you.” 

Louis caught Harry’s hand in her own and twined their fingers together, pinning Harry’s arm against the wall. “You’re being very good, baby.” Louis kissed Harry, open-mouthed and hungry, her tongue moving against Harry’s in a way that made her wish she were riding Louis’ face, feeling that same pressure and heat against her clit. “Letting me kiss you,” Louis said as she pulled away. “Leave these marks on you so nobody thinks you’re here alone.” 

“I’m yours,” Harry whimpered, squeezing Louis’ hand. “All yours, Daddy.” 

“Fuck, baby. That’s what I want. All I want.” Louis kissed her again and Harry wished she could jump up and wrap her legs around Louis’ waist and let Louis hold her up. Keep kissing her and not stop. 

The opening of the door was the last thing Harry expected, and the harsh metal thwack followed by the loud thud of bass made Harry feel like she was being pulled out of a dream and shoved underwater all at once. Nothing felt quite right. 

“Sorry Lou, but Karen said your fifteen is over and to get back behind the bar or you’ll be on bathroom duty for the rest of the night.” Louis’ co-worker relayed the message with a shrug, and then nodded to Louis before going back into the bar. The door slammed shut and Harry closed her eyes, resting her head against the brick wall. 

“Shit, I’m sorry baby. Don’t wanna leave you like this. Come back in with me, yeah? Sit at the bar for a bit.” 

Harry nodded, a little pop of happiness fizzing inside of her when Louis smiled back at her. Louis held her hand as they went back inside, leading her back toward the now very packed front of the bar. She found a spot for Harry and then rushed back behind the bar, jumping in to make drinks almost immediately. 

Meanwhile, Harry looked on feeling oddly woozy. She couldn’t be drunk and didn’t even feel tipsy; if anything it was a bit like being awakened from a nap too soon. She leaned her elbow on the bar and watched Louis work, stroking over one of the marks Louis had left with her thumb and pressing into it whenever Louis happened to look her way and smile. 

The crowd didn’t abate, and eventually Louis moved to a spot where Harry couldn’t see her. She frowned, craning her neck to look past the mass of bodies that seemed to have swallowed Louis whole. Though it was silly, a part of her wanted to yell at them. Make them all back away and leave Louis--  _ Daddy _ \--all for her. She was lost in thoughts of tearing through the crowd when a hand waved in front of her face, grabbing her attention. 

“Hey lovebird,” Karen shouted. The noise of the bar made it sound faraway, and Harry leaned closer and smiled, greeting her back. “Sorry I had to drag Lou back, but it’s crazy tonight!” Harry shrugged in response; it was definitely more crowded than she’d ever seen it. Karen offered to get her a drink and Harry ordered another tequila sunrise, sliding a drink ticket and a tip toward Karen when she dropped off the drink. Karen slid the ticket back but took the tip, and Harry pocketed the ticket, wondering if she should give it back to Louis later that night. 

One drink turned into two, which became three. Karen finally took one of the tickets, Louis still stuck on the other side of the bar, and Harry thanked her with an extra large tip and the raise of her glass. The music had finally turned back into something Harry wanted to dance to, and she turned in her seat to look at the dance floor. It was crowded, maybe too crowded to dance comfortably, and as Harry considered it she realized she only wanted to dance where Louis could see her. Hopefully  _ watch _ her, distracted eyes and bitten lips and a need to make sure nobody thought Harry was available. 

Harry tipped back the last of her drink and slid off the stool, navigating through the crowd until she knew Louis could see her. It wasn’t the best spot for dancing, but it would have to do for Harry’s purposes. She waited until one song bled into another and started to dance, lifting her arms above her head and moving to the beat. After a moment, she recognized the song as one of her favorites-- an old Sylvester song called “Mighty Real” --and she decided to belt out the words as she whipped her arms above her head and closed her eyes. 

She opened them as the song ended, looking back to where Louis had been standing earlier. The crowd had moved a little, pressing in towards the bar on either side of Harry, but Louis was no longer there. Instead, Karen had taken her place, pointing to someone in front of the bar and taking her order. 

Before Harry could begin to look for Louis, she felt a pair of hands at her waist, the grip a familiar comfort. Louis guided her toward the front door, one of her hands moving to the small of Harry’s back and keeping her from bumping into anyone. They reached the front entrance and Louis pushed at the door, holding it open to let Harry out in front of her. When they were clear of it, Harry turned to fall happily into Louis’ arms. 

“Harry, love,” Louis said, hands going back to Harry’s waist to steady her. “Think you might’ve overdone it, sweetheart. Do you need to go home?” Her face was serious, eyebrows drawn together and lips tight. Harry whined quietly in the back of her throat, shaking her head vigorously. 

“No, I’ll wait for you,” she said. “I’m fine.” Harry felt herself swaying slightly and so she took a deep breath and shook out her limbs, blinking a few times before she let herself focus back on Louis. “See? Fine.” 

Louis sighed, reaching up to brush a curl from Harry’s face. She let her hand drift to Harry’s neck, teasing over her marks, and Harry giggled, turning her face in to nip at Louis’ open palm. “I don’t believe you, but I can’t send you home, can I? You’re impossible.” Her mouth softened into a smile, but her eyes still looked sharp-- guarded --and Harry leaned forward, planting a soft, lingering kiss on her lips. 

“I’m extremely possible. I’m--” Harry searched for the right word to make Louis’ eyes light up, failing to find it. “I’m Kim Possible.” Louis giggled at that, the lines around her eyes scrunching with a smile, and Harry grinned, pleased that she had, in fact, found the right word. 

“You, my love, are drunk. I’m ordering food from the place that delivers here and seeing if I can get cut early to get you home.” 

“I’ll make it up to you, Daddy, promise,” Harry said, wrapping her arms around Louis and pulling her close. “I’ll be so good when we get home.” 

“You’re good now, love. Nothing to make up to anyone.” 

Her voice didn’t have the tone she usually got when Harry called her Daddy-- none of the sweetness and burn that made Harry want to keep saying it --and Harry paused, moving back to study her. The worry had left her face, the tension gone from her jaw and forehead, and her smile was soft and fond. But something felt off. It was as though she was looking at Harry without seeing her, like instead of being the focus Harry was the distraction. 

Harry swallowed, the realization sticking like a stone in her chest. “Okay,” she said softly. “I won’t make anything up then.” She could sense tears pricking at the edge of her vision, and she looked up, willing them away. 

“Oh, baby, are you crying? Shit, I’m sorry, love.” Louis cupped Harry’s face in her hand, studying her carefully. “I’m not sure what I said to upset you, but I’m sorry, yeah?” 

“It’s okay, it’s good, it’s okay,” Harry said, shaking her head. The last thing she wanted was for Louis to be upset. 

“C’mon, love. I’ll set you up right by me, yeah?” Harry nodded, sniffling a bit and wiping at her eyes. 

“Sounds nice.” It did, though what Harry really wanted was to be home, wrapped up in a throw with Louis on the couch. Or tangled up in soft sheets with her in bed. Or possibly back in the alley from earlier tonight, knowing that she was good and so were they. 

Louis ended up getting cut not long after, the crowd dying down and her coworkers willing to let her go after a promise of coming in early to do extra side work before her next shift. She let Harry rest against her on the cab ride home, pulling her in close and letting her nuzzle into the hair at the back of her neck where she smelled sweaty and warm, reminding Harry of her favorite sweater. 

Before they went to sleep, Louis made Harry drink several glasses of water and take a couple ibuprofen. With Louis’ arms wrapped around her, Harry felt better. She wasn’t ready to think about whatever she’d been feeling earlier. Not yet. All she knew was that it was an odd mix of emotions, up and down and different from how she usually felt with Louis. Part of her worried that it was all down to the Daddy thing-- that she’d overstepped or expected too much --and as she drifted off to sleep it was with the quiet fear that maybe it wouldn’t work. That this was a test, and that one or both of them had failed. 

When Harry awoke the next day, it was almost afternoon. There was a note from Louis on the bedside table that was stuck onto a full reusable water bottle which read: ‘Gone to breakfast with Lottie. Back by 1 with hangover breakfast for you!!! If you wake up before then, drink this and take those → and go back to sleep!! LOVE YOU -L’

Louis had left two ibuprofen on the table in a shot glass, and Harry swallowed them down with about half the water before pulling out her phone to scroll mindlessly through her tumblr dash until Louis got home. Though she was trying to put off thinking about what had happened the night before, she couldn’t stop the memories coming to her unbidden, most of them tinged with embarrassment at the things she’d done and the way she’d felt.

Looking back with sober eyes, it was clear that Louis had been swamped at work on a busy night, not ignoring or avoiding Harry. She’d set Harry up at the only available space at the bar thinking she’d be able to stay nearby, and then the customers had dictated otherwise. It was one of the reasons they didn’t usually make a big effort to see each other at work; circumstances usually made those visits difficult and unsatisfying. 

Harry set her phone aside and flopped back into bed, throwing a blanket over her head and taking a deep breath. The sunlight filtered in to give the whole space a warm, womb-like glow, and it brought Harry a sense of calm the way it always had since she started doing it when she was small. Holding her hands in front of her face, she wiggled her fingers and began to count the things that didn’t feel good about the night before. 

One: Louis having to leave her. Two: Not being close to her anymore. Three: Drinking too much tequila. She stuck her tongue out at that one-- it was always a bad idea and yet she kept on doing it. Four: Feeling stupid and ignored and useless. 

She had just started on five when she heard the sound of the door opening. She groaned quietly, not quite ready to face Louis. It felt like she might be mad, or that if she wasn’t it was a very near thing. No matter what, Harry wished that she could have a few more minutes alone under the blanket to think everything through. 

“You up, baby?” Louis asked quietly from the doorway. “I brought you a breakfast sandwich from the good place and one of those nice big coffees they do. And I stopped at McD’s for hash browns.” 

Harry shut her eyes tight under the blanket, saying a quiet prayer of gratitude before opening them again. Louis definitely wasn’t angry with her. You don’t go two separate places to get breakfast for someone you feel like fighting with. “I’m under here,” Harry said. “And awake.” 

“I’m pulling it back.” Louis’ fingers appeared at the edge of the blanket and then Harry was squinting at the bright sunlight coming in around her. Maybe Louis had opened the blinds. “How do you feel? It seemed like you had a lot last night.” 

“I feel...gross. Weird. Hungry.” Louis leaned down and kissed her forehead, and Harry decided to continue. “Also sorry for acting like I did last night. I don’t know what got into me.” 

Louis cocked her head to one side like she thought she’d misheard something Harry said, but before Harry could clarify, Louis shook her head. “Wait, why are you sorry, love? You didn’t--” she stopped short, sighing softly, and stood up, offering Harry her hand. “C’mon, come eat. We’ll talk about it after, yeah?” Harry followed Louis into the kitchen. Anything sounded better than talking right now. 

The coffee made Harry feel a little more human, and combined with the food Louis had brought her with all of its greasy goodness, Harry could almost convince herself that she wasn’t hungover. Almost. Not quite. Her body and mind still felt like they were functioning a half-step apart from each other even if she wasn’t really queasy or headachey anymore. Louis didn’t try to get her to say much while she ate, mostly filling Harry in on how her breakfast had gone and groaning about the new boyfriend her sister had found. Louis was not a fan. 

They moved to the couch when Harry finished, Louis making a pot of mint tea ‘to share’-- which meant for Harry to drink and Louis to have a tiny cup of that she sipped twice and abandoned --and Harry pulling out their favorite lounging blanket and scrolling through netflix to see if there was anything they could watch. 

Louis had other plans, though. She set the pot of tea and mugs down on the table and then lifted Harry’s feet so she could put them on her lap, which was not their favored lounging position. Harry set her phone aside and poured herself a bit of tea, adding a swirl of honey so she could focus on the act of stirring while Louis began rubbing her thumb against Harry’s instep. 

“Thought we could talk about last night,” Louis said. “If you felt up to it.” Harry sighed. 

“Can’t I just say I’m sorry and not have to talk about it? We can watch bake off instead, maybe work on our Paul Hollywood impressions.” Harry flexed her foot against Louis’ hand. “UN-dah-Prooved,” she said in her best Northern English accent. Louis giggled, but shook her head. 

“Sorry, baby. We don’t have to talk now, but I could barely sleep thinking about it.” Louis’ face turned serious, her lips pursed as she looked down at Harry’s feet. “It’s just...you keep saying you’re sorry, and I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong.” She clicked her tongue, finally turning to look Harry in the eye. “Or if you did, I did too. So both of us will have to say we’re sorry and what for if we want to make things right.”

Harry looked up at the ceiling, her thoughts thrashing around in her mind like branches in a storm. It didn’t make sense for Louis to apologize, did it? Not when Harry was the one who’d brought all of this on in the first place, and not when she was the one who took it too far last night. 

“You’re thinking very loudly over there, you know,” Louis said, rubbing careful circles into Harry’s ankles. “But I can’t make out what you’re saying just yet. Do you want me to talk about it first?” Harry nodded and tried to silence her thoughts so she could listen properly. Louis stilled her hands, letting them rest in a tender hold of Harry’s feet.

“I was excited when you came in last night. Liked how you got dressed up and surprised me, it felt like you were there just for me.” She squeezed Harry’s ankle gently and Harry looked at her, studying her face. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about being your Daddy. What it means to me, for me-- for us, really --and when you walked in last night all I wanted was to watch you, keep you. Let you have the best night right in front of me.” Louis chewed at her lip, her mouth turned down. 

Harry nodded for her to continue, though a part of her wanted to say “me too,” to let Louis know that she wasn’t alone in her hopes for the night. She hoped Louis could see it in her eyes. 

“I was useless when you were out there dancing. That’s why Karen sent me off on a break, I fucked up and gave two girls rum instead of vodka in their vodka and red bulls, and I almost broke a glass in the ice.” Louis shook her head, chuckling softly. “I wanted you so bad that I dragged you outside like that, and-- I don’t know, baby, I think I went too far.” 

“You didn’t, though! It was my fault, I’m the one who--” 

Louis reached out and took Harry’s hand. “Love, I was the one who pushed things last night. I got caught up in how much I wanted you, and it just didn’t hit me how deep it was until I saw you later.” 

Harry sat up, quickly kneeling on the couch so she could wrap her arms around Louis. “But I wanted you too, Lou. I was ready to fuck you when all you wanted was to kiss me.”

“Baby,” Louis said, voice soft as she nuzzled into Harry’s neck. “I wanted so much more than that, and I knew you wanted more. You said you like the way I make you feel, like how safe you are with me. And I wanted to give you that, wanted you to feel like I had you.” 

“But you didn’t?” Harry whispered, voice smaller than she meant for it to be. She ran her fingers absentmindedly through Louis’ hair and let her hand fall to rest at the nape of Louis’ neck. 

“I didn’t.” Louis sighed, leaning back to look Harry in the eyes. “I wanted to so badly that it didn’t occur to me I might not, if that makes sense. It just...fuck, Harry, I want you to be my Girl, I want you to need me like that. And I hate that I tried to be some kind of fuck off fake daddy getting you worked up and not being able to stay with you.” 

“You’re not a fake daddy,” Harry said, peppering kisses against Louis’ cheek. She hated watching Louis get angry with herself over this when it couldn’t have been her fault. And when she’d been perfect, keeping Harry wishing and wanting and waiting for more all night. “You knew what I wanted and you gave it to me. You got me worked up and then I just took it too far. Or got too drunk, I don’t know.” 

Louis tipped her head back, rolling her eyes before she gazed at Harry. “You aren’t hearing me, sweetheart. I think--” she paused, exhaling deeply, “I don’t think either one of us is bad at this, yeah? But remember the first time we slept together? That second night at Zayn’s?” Harry nodded, sitting back on her haunches so she could look at Louis as she continued.

“I knew you wanted me, could read it all over you. And we’d been heading that way since the night before.” The corner of Louis’ mouth turned up as she clearly put herself back in the memory and Harry blushed at the thought of it. “But if I had just done what I wanted without checking in, without talking and trying to really figure you out-- without  _ asking _ \--it wouldn’t have been what it was. Right?” 

Harry shrugged, not quite wanting to admit that Louis might be right. Their first time was messy and awkward (as first times often were), but Louis had done what so many of Harry’s partners never had. She’d asked what Harry liked the night before while they ground against each other, whispering filthy things in Harry’s ear in between kisses. And when it came down to it, she took everything carefully. Not slowly-- they were too gone for one another to do anything but leap into sex that second evening together --but with thought and tenderness and attention. 

And thinking back, Harry had been the one who rushed in, knowing so little but too drunk on the way Louis felt beneath her to do anything but act in the moment. Every yes and please and direction that Louis uttered was one more thing that Harry catalogued to keep, ready to be pulled out at any moment. Harry had almost fisted Louis that first time without even talking about it, the slide of her fingers and Louis’ broken moans enough to keep her pushing insistently until Louis stilled her hand and caught her eyes to whisper, “that’s perfect, darling, just that. Keep fucking me just like that.” 

“I didn’t ask you about anything, though,” Harry said quietly, still lost in her memory. “Not then and not last night.” She sighed quietly when Louis reached out and took her hand. “So I can’t see how I’m not the one who messed everything up.” 

“Nothing is messed up, love. It’s fine.  _ We’re _ fine.” Louis’ voice had a slight edge to it that caught at the edge of Harry’s consciousness, moving against her like a threat. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying not to let herself spin out over whatever it was that Louis wasn’t saying. 

“Baby,” Louis said, voice softer already. “Need my Girl to look at me.” 

Harry looked up at her, anxious to do something right. 

“There you are.” Louis brought her hand up to Harry’s face, stroking her cheek with a feather light touch. “You’re really very good, you know? In-fucking-credible.” Louis leaned forward and kissed Harry, her lips soft and parted and perfect against Harry’s unresponsive ones. Harry didn’t deserve those lips. Didn’t deserve those kisses. When Louis pulled away, slow and careful and with her hand still caressing Harry’s cheek, it was all Harry could do to hold herself together. 

“I’m not,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I was so stupid last night. I shouldn’t have come. Shouldn’t have gotten so drunk or--” 

Louis’ hand moved from Harry’s cheek to the back of her head before Harry could process what was happening. All she knew was that everything went from soft and fragile to taut in a heartbeat. Her breath caught in her throat as she let her mouth hang open, too shocked to continue speaking. Louis pulled her forward carefully, everything happening in achingly slow motion. 

“What can I do to make you understand you didn’t do anything wrong?” Louis breathed against Harry’s ear. “I know you’re not hearing me, love. Need you to listen.” 

Harry whined, pushing her head back into Louis’ hand. The pressure hurt, but she wanted that. Needed Louis to know it was what she wanted. 

“I’ll listen Daddy, I’ll listen, be so good for you,” Harry babbled, voice breaking with the desire to cry out. 

“There’s my girl,” Louis said, letting her teeth scrape over Harry’s neck before biting a kiss into the spot that was still marked from the night before. “You’ve been so caught up in feeling bad about last night that you forgot that Daddy takes care of you.” 

“Mmhmm.” Harry nodded as much as she could with Louis still tugging at her hair, swallowing hard at the feel of Louis’ teeth against her bared neck, her little puffs of breath coming fast against Harry’s skin. “Just wanted to tell you I was sorry,” she said, trying to look at Louis without turning her head. “I’ll do better, I’ll always do better.” 

Louis released her grip on Harry’s hair and Harry gasped at the sudden freedom, not prepared for the way that Louis threw her weight forward to flip Harry onto her back. Arms bracketing either side of Harry’s head, Louis studied her closely, her blue eyes looking to Harry like a hidden lagoon, some place safe and secret and all her own. 

“Breathe, sweetheart,” Louis said, pausing to wait for Harry to comply. “That’s it, good girl.” She nodded and Harry nodded back at her, everything but Louis feeling like it was out of focus and irrelevant. “Want you to do something for me.” 

“Anything,” Harry said, still breathless as she watched Louis’ mouth. 

“You’re gonna repeat after me, alright?” Louis waited til she saw Harry nod, her lip curving up at the side into a pleased smirk. “I’m a very good girl.” 

Harry exhaled heavily through her nose, her mind at war with itself. She wanted so badly to say it-- to watch Louis smile down at her, maybe kiss her, to make her feel good. But at the same time a voice in her head kept repeating the thoughts she’d been having since last night: that she’d messed up, done something stupid, didn’t deserve whatever it was she thought she wanted from Louis anyway. 

“Need my Girl to say it,” Louis said, letting her weight rest against Harry’s chest as she whispered into her ear. “I. Am a very. Good. Girl.” 

“I’m a very good girl,” Harry breathed out all at once, rushing through the words so that she wouldn’t lose the will to say them. 

“Say it again,” Louis said, raising herself up to look in Harry’s eyes once more. It felt like too much-- too raw, too bare, --and Harry squirmed at the way it made her feel to say the words again under Louis’ gaze. 

“I’m a very good girl,” she said, cheeks heating as she tried to avoid looking back at Louis. Louis wasn’t having it, pushing at Harry’s cheek with one finger until Harry turned to look up at her. Louis nodded, expectant, and Harry’s breath caught in her throat. “I’m a very good girl.” 

“You are,” Louis said decisively. “Do you know why you’re a good girl?” 

Harry shook her head. 

“You’re good for me. Make me happier than I’ve ever been. And you sprang this on me without meaning to and it makes me crazy to know how you want me. How you trust me. How you need me.” Louis ground her ass into Harry’s pelvis and Harry bucked up at the sensation. “What do you say?” 

“I’m a good girl,” Harry said, heart racing. “I’m a good girl for you Daddy.” 

Louis moved from her lap, slipping Harry’s pajamas down in a quick motion that might as well have been magic for as much as Harry understood how it happened. All at once, Louis was between her legs, her hot mouth enveloping Harry’s clit as Harry spread herself open as wide as possible. 

Harry gasped at the sensations coming at her all at once-- not only Louis’ mouth, but her hands roving between Harry’s hips and thighs, the soft tickle of her hair on Harry’s skin, and the gentle tease of her teeth touching Harry’s hood --and reached down to pull Louis closer to her. Louis moaned at that, and Harry let out a long, high whine that she punctuated with moaning “daddy,” in a voice that almost didn’t sound like her own. 

Spurred on by the sound, Louis lifted Harry’s legs, locking her arms around them so that she was pressed tightly against Harry. She sucked harder, and Harry writhed at the sensation. It was almost too much, faster and stronger than Harry could usually handle, but now she felt herself coming apart with it, shaking and crying as Louis made it almost impossible not to ride her face. 

Finally Harry put her hands behind her, finding the arm of the couch and using it to push herself down into Louis until the immense desire she felt manifested in the burn and stretch of her arms and chest and core. Her body was a wire pulled tight enough to snap, and if she’d been at all coherent she would have asked Louis to break her, knowing that when it happened she’d still be whole and complete-- maybe even stronger somehow. As it was, she just let her head fall back and keen as Louis took care of her. 

She came harder than she ever remembered having come before, barely making noise until she was coming down from it, at which point she just kept whispering, “daddy, daddy,” and grabbing at Louis until she kissed her way up Harry’s body to end at her mouth. Louis’ cheeks were damp with Harry’s wetness and the slight sheen of sweat, and when they kissed Harry’s mouth was filled with the taste of sex still on Louis’ tongue, salty and tangy and sweet. 

“There you are,” Louis said softly, gazing at Harry from where she was propped up beside her, half held up by the couch and her own arm and the rest of her weight draped over Harry. “My very good girl.” 

“I’m a very good girl,” Harry muttered, still in a daze. Any doubts of her goodness had been fucked out of her completely. Wondrously. Magically. “Love you, Daddy.” 

Louis hummed quietly, kissing Harry’s shoulder. “I love you, baby girl. Love you and I’ve got you, yeah?” 

Harry nodded lazily, eyes drifting closed. “You’ve got me,” she said, doing her best to nuzzle against Louis. The angle didn’t make it easy. Louis found some way to make it work, though, and Harry dozed off with the sleepy smell of Louis’ hair tickling her nose perfectly. 

They didn’t sleep for long, probably not more than fifteen or twenty minutes if Harry had to guess. She blinked awake and kissed Louis’ head, bringing her free arm up to Louis’ waist to keep her close as she woke too. “You’re incredible,” she said once Louis had finally opened her eyes. Now that Harry had come down a little from her sex high she could say it; it was what she’d been thinking almost the whole time. 

“Mmm, maybe I am. But you? Amazing, brilliant, outstanding.” She punctuated each adjective with a kiss, then paused to study Harry’s face. “You know, that’s what I would’ve done for you last night, if I could’ve,” she said after a moment. “Made you feel like that. Taken care of you just the way you deserve.” 

Harry smiled, pleased at the idea of last night ending like that instead of the way it did. “Okay. Then you did.” Louis looked at her questioningly, and Harry continued. “Today was last night. Or, um, something like that.” It might’ve made more sense in her head, possibly. 

“A free ‘Figuring it Out’ pass?” 

“Hmm, something like that, yeah.” Harry nodded, giving Louis a quick squeeze around the waist. “Feel like you gave me one too.” 

“Yeah, well. I’m the one who’s supposed to take care of you when we do this, right? That’s what a Daddy would do. So your do over was me getting a do over, if that makes sense.” Louis looked down at Harry with a soft, fond smile, her eyes sparkling blue in the afternoon light. “You were a good girl last night and you’re still one today.” 

Harry blushed and giggled, turning her head aside to keep from looking back up at Louis for a moment. “Thank you, Daddy.” Louis pecked a kiss to her cheek and then another and another until Harry turned her face back so they could kiss properly. They kept that up for a moment, neither wanting to be the one to stop. 

Eventually they did sit up, Louis’ arm and leg too tingly with pins and needles to be ignored any longer. While she was shaking it out, Harry took a few sips of the long cold mint tea, its flavor a bit too strong but good for clearing her head a bit. She leaned back into the couch and waited for Louis to come back. 

“I definitely want to keep doing that,” Harry said when Louis returned. She gave Louis a sidelong glance, watching her body language. “Figure out what works for us.” 

“Me too, baby,” Louis said, turning her body so she was curled up into Harry’s side. “I think we’ll mess up a lot. Or some, anyway. But I like it. With you, at least. Don’t know that I would’ve ever quite wanted it with anyone else.” 

Harry rested her head on Louis’. “Me too. You’re the only Daddy I’d want, I think.” Louis chuckled to herself. 

“Oh baby girl. That’s  _ so _ gay.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! 
> 
> Because this fic involves kink exploration by people very inexperienced with bdsm, there are some depictions of less than ideal kink behaviors, including someone beginning to go into subspace and not getting proper after care in the moment (and experiencing some sub drop). However, this is addressed and resolved later on, so it's not treated as acceptable behavior. 
> 
> Although I took care to depict what I feel are typical deep lez levels of processing re: kink behavior, please do not use this fic or any other as a personal guide in bdsm! There are plenty of websites that can help with that without using a fictional lens. 
> 
> Also, if I've forgotten to tag anything please message me on tumblr and I'll add it asap! 
> 
> If you enjoyed this fic, please consider leaving a kudos/comment, or even [reblogging the post](https://homosociallyyours.tumblr.com/post/190805578449/dont-have-to-be-good-to-be-my-girl-by)!


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